a perfect life!

I want a perfect life! Well, who doesn't right?
I want to be perfect in anyways. I want life to be as simple as kicking a small stone out in your way.
I want everything to be as carefree as possible. But I know that this things that I'm longing to have will never gonna happen because God created life to be this way. He created it like you should suffer first before you get your happiness or like you've done a stupid and small mistake then the consequence of that would be too big for you to handle. But I know that he's only doing this so that we will learn our lessons, so that we will be in a complete bliss after we overcome our sufferings.
Isn't that so great to feel whenever we, ourselves find the solutions in our own problems?
Isn't that so cool if we reminisce the past hardships and we know in the very deep of us that we didn't use any other people just to get over with it.
And in the midst of my sufferings right now, uggh! ( the word suffer is too absurd maybe I should call it struggles instead.)
In the midst of the struggles that i am facing right now, I'm still thankful because it's not that hard as I imagined, it's not painful for me to bare and definitely not that serious. I realized that I'm still so blessed though there are still problems in my life that I can't really avoid.
But despite those hardships I'M STILL INDEED SO BLESSED!

THANK YOU, GOD! :)

Am I a good friend?

Will someone be there if I lose control over something?

Will someone will still be my friend if I haven't been a good friend? Well, am I?

I sometimes despise my friends. It sometimes makes me feel sick whenever I'm with them.

I hate how they treat me, I hate how they seem to forget about me every time they're busy about something else.

Am I just being selfish?

Am I just being cruel?

I want to answer those stupid questions but I even don't know what i would answer.

And it hurts me, it pricks something inside me.

I don't want to be bitter in anyways, BUT! it really does hurt me when they act like that and it makes 

me feel so alone though everyday I'm with them.

Why am I being like this? 

Why am I being bitter?

Why am I acting like this towards them?

I know that I shouldn't be like this, 

and i also know that i shouldn't feel like this towards my friends. Yes! my so called friends. 

Those friends that seem to disregard me like I'm not important to them.

hmm. am I? Am I important to them? (:

 PS: "this is just a mere thought, and when i wrote this i was kinda sad and my mind wasn't functioning normally that's why i came up with this stupid thoughts. And i just want to share it. Or like i just want to express those hidden thoughts that i have in my stupid head whenever i feel so alone or when i felt like my friends are not in good conditions." :))

sneaking. :)

i was about to sleep last night at about 12:35 but my eyes won't let me and i was really trying my best to sleep and just go into a deep slumber but it was just so hard so what i did was i got out of my room sneakily then i turned the computer on and surfed the internet it was kinda fun and so thrilling because every second or when i hear something that squeaked i always end up looking at the door because my aunt might caught me using the computer in the middle of the night. >:"))

AND SHE MIGHT SCOLD ME. :)
THANK GOD I WASN'T caught. :))

A Heart Attack! T_T

OH GAWD! i don't know what to do!
my heart is now beating fast, it's like i'll have a heart attack any minute now. gahhd! (please help!)

if you're asking me why i'm feeling like this right now, it's because of my own stupidity (or is it really my fault?)
i don't know what to do. i'm really freaking out and i felt like crying. seriously, if you'll fill in my shoes you'd know what i really feel. i want to die now. (lord, please take me now!) T_T

well, here is the real story behind this.
a few weeks ago every Saturdays and Sundays (until now)  i would always go to my aunt's house because i just want to visit them and have a little fun with them. But! "the other monkey" is really not cool with what i'm doing because she don't want me to go and she really dislikes it but what can she do? or shall i say - what can THEY do? they can't do anything about that because i would really go to my aunt's house and spend the weekend with them and i'm happy here! i'm happy being with them. i'm happy staying at their house. and i'm happy joking around with them! i have something to ask. IS IT WRONG TO GO AT YOUR AUNT'S HOUSE AND SPEND TIME WITH THEM? well, my answer is.. No. it's NOT WRONG! and there is nothing WRONG with it! it's not like i was doing something illegal here and it's not like i'm going at other people's house 'cause definitely - I'M NOT in other people's house! and i don't consider them as "other people" because THEY'RE MY RELATIVES! for god sake! why am i being in the middle of their stupid fight? (yess! it really sounds stupid for me.) How can grown ups fight over something so small? I swear some of adults are so immature. :p

no offense. :))

anyway, i guess this will be the last weekend that i'll be able to spend with my cousins. but i had a lot of fun when i'm spending my time with them. This will be sad for me but it's alright because i know that i can get through with this. This is just a small problem that God gave me and my family because he knows that we will be able to handle this. I hope that soon enough they'll be together again without any hatreds from each other. but. just pure love. <3

my boring but relaxing day. :D

I decided to go with my aunt at the beach because i want to escape my other aunt (the one who's taking "care" of me) because she's too annoying for me to bare and i can't take it anymore. (well, thats what i think) and seriously, i really dont like her that i think i could die leaving with her everyday and seeing her annoying evil face with glaring eyes (ha!ha!ha! I'm just exaggerating but i'm not kidding and HALF of what i said about her is TRUE!) enough about her i don't want her to be the main character in this thing. Back to the topic i decided to go with them because i'm kinda bored and the truth is i kinda miss them but i can't say that out loud because i think it's   too "cheesy" and i don't like mushy stuffs it just gives me goosebumps. sheesh. i really want to enjoy my time here and spend it with my favorite ever "kulit" cousin faith i really like her to the extent that i can't live without her. (LOL! Just kidding) but i like her because she's so cute and she's so funny that she don't have to do anything to be funny. Hahaha (well you see, she's still a baby thats why.) now you understand why i like her but if you don't then just let it be and just move on. ;) just like what i said i want to have "fun" but it turns out to be the opposite of it. At first it was ok that i can still laugh at the "corny jokes" but time pass by and yeah i got bored. But the nice thing that happened to me that day is i got out of the city and my mind is a bit at peace. I breath the nicest air that i didn't breath for the last century and i like the feeling of being relieve from the tensions in the city even just for awhile. And i like the feeling of being hug by the salty fresh air. And i know that i made the right descision in not staying home with the computer on my face. And it sure hella worth it.  ((:

this thing happened last week and i just want to share it. :)

for real?

when i saw this video clip i was really shocked.

i was like - is this for real?

Is gd really hitting seungri?

i don't know if they're just playing around but it really looks like they're not and they're facial expression is kinda pissed. I really don't know how to react with this but are they fighting?

i was really startled when i saw the video. GAHHD! I hope they're not.

If they're just playing around then why is hitting involved? haha.

but seriously, hitting isn't good. :)

anyway, here's the video clip.

:\

DARAGON is LOVE!

I'm fond of reading fanfics specially about dara and gd or DARAGON. i really like their tandem that i would really love seeing them together not just in fictional stories but i want them to be together in real life. haha. that is too impossible but who knows maybe they'll end up together right? and i am hoping for that day to come. *laughs* :))

well, aside from daragon love team, i'm also loving the ToDara tandem which is i'm kinda torn between the two. :\

anyway, i really love the author who wrote it, that's why i was engrossed by the stories. and that's why i'm addicted with daragon because it's the authors fault. lol. It's because she really writes the whole thing as if it was really happening in real life, and when you read it. You would actually think that its a real life story being told in public thats how the story hit me. :D

so if you don't have any idea in what i was talking about, if you don't know DARAGON. Well, here's a picture of them.

and here's the animated daragon :)

cute right? kekeke ^^