Am I a good friend?

Will someone be there if I lose control over something?

Will someone will still be my friend if I haven't been a good friend? Well, am I?

I sometimes despise my friends. It sometimes makes me feel sick whenever I'm with them.

I hate how they treat me, I hate how they seem to forget about me every time they're busy about something else.

Am I just being selfish?

Am I just being cruel?

I want to answer those stupid questions but I even don't know what i would answer.

And it hurts me, it pricks something inside me.

I don't want to be bitter in anyways, BUT! it really does hurt me when they act like that and it makes 

me feel so alone though everyday I'm with them.

Why am I being like this? 

Why am I being bitter?

Why am I acting like this towards them?

I know that I shouldn't be like this, 

and i also know that i shouldn't feel like this towards my friends. Yes! my so called friends. 

Those friends that seem to disregard me like I'm not important to them.

hmm. am I? Am I important to them? (:

 PS: "this is just a mere thought, and when i wrote this i was kinda sad and my mind wasn't functioning normally that's why i came up with this stupid thoughts. And i just want to share it. Or like i just want to express those hidden thoughts that i have in my stupid head whenever i feel so alone or when i felt like my friends are not in good conditions." :))

sneaking. :)

i was about to sleep last night at about 12:35 but my eyes won't let me and i was really trying my best to sleep and just go into a deep slumber but it was just so hard so what i did was i got out of my room sneakily then i turned the computer on and surfed the internet it was kinda fun and so thrilling because every second or when i hear something that squeaked i always end up looking at the door because my aunt might caught me using the computer in the middle of the night. >:"))

AND SHE MIGHT SCOLD ME. :)
THANK GOD I WASN'T caught. :))